For decades, liberal elite GirlBoss Feminism pushed professional success as essential to self-fulfillment for women. The #tradwife movement is a rejection of that—so it must be defeated, says Sandberg
There is a huge judgement on women choosing to stay at home and prioritise their families, it’s great to see some women making this appear aspirational and meaningful to them.
I worked evenings and weekends because I wanted to look after my children myself. It made no sense to me to work to pay another woman to look after my children.
Funny how childcare is only an important job when someone is being paid to do it for someone else, but had no value or importance otherwise? Or the idea that it doesn’t matter how much time you spend actually looking after your own children?
These “Girlboss feminists!” as you call them (a good sobriquet to coin btw) think it safe to assume they are not God-centered as they’re constantly trying to fill a void in themselves to keep “the revolution” - of the flavor-of-the-moment - going. Or is it simply a desperate attempt to stay relevant in their twilight years? Seems they’re perpetually “redefining” to up end society.
What is truly interesting about this, is that these tradwife influencers work just as hard as she did, well maybe not the hours she chose to have someone else raise her children, but building a brand takes more than a quick pic with your iPhone and uploading it to instagram. She should know that.
I have something she should concentrate on, maybe she should go back to fighting for the right of Jewish women not to be gang raped to death like she did after October 7. That would be a worthwhile endeavor instead of maligning those of us who chose to raise our own children instead of giving them to a nanny or stranger while I fulfilled myself because the manosphere of corporate America decided being a housewife/mother was not important. (See what I did there. Throw it back in her face.)
Girl boss feminism is predicated on a bunch of lies that have nothing to do with the self-determination and flexibility that comes with having the potential to earn your own money. It’s billed as a glamorous experience in which you ascend the corporate ladder wearing fabulous clothes until, at the age of 29, after years of dating smart, attractive, successful men, you find the perfect partner to settle down with and have kids who earns more money than you, but also works flexible enough hours to contribute to housework and childcare without succumbing to exhaustion. Maybe you will have a nanny who watches the kids while you are at work or you will at least have access to excellent full day childcare so your career is not disrupted. You will continue to enjoy your job as it will be challenging and rewarding work.
Except in reality most women’s jobs aren’t like this. Especially not in today’s world of remote work. You won’t be wearing fabulous clothes or having long lunches with your girlfriends or colleagues in major American cities. You’ll go to a shabby office or you will work from home. You will earn a living and this will be good. Hopefully you will have health insurance. Maybe you’ll earn enough money that it makes sense for you to hire someone else to care for your children or you will be lucky enough to have a relative nearby that can help.
But your career will not be your source of fulfillment. It will pay the bills. If you have to leave your partner, or they are sick and require you to become the primary breadwinner, you can step up and do that. No one‘s going to give you a parade.
You won’t love what you do. You’ll tolerate it as it means to an end. You might enjoy aspects of your career, but very few people will find it to be integral to their identity in the way that it was depicted in all the TV shows as millennials were fed during the 2000s.
It should be lost on no one that Girlboss Feminism ushered in a new economic paradigm—a paradigm that shifted from a single-earner household to a double-earner household. Thus a new economy was born. At our own peril.
The seductive progressive promise that women in the workplace would enjoy greater “choice” and deeper personal satisfaction than what could be afforded in the home has delivered largely the opposite. For the vast majority of women today there is no choice. Alongside their husbands, women must be gainfully employed in some fashion in order for their family to make basic ends meet. With no choice comes little satisfaction. It’s just the new 21stC brand of drudgery.
Not only has the economic burden of a household dual income economy deprived women of choice, it has effectively removed parents, historically mothers, from their affective roles in their kids’ schools and lives, in their local communities, and in civic life writ large. All in the name of some ruse promising “empowerment” and self fulfillment.
In the end, our families have suffered (is it too cynical to think that was the real endgame?). Parents have suffered (see divorce rate); kids have suffered (see Pharma schedules/mental health stats); and yes, women have suffered as they have realized that the myth of having it all was just that: a myth.
In my opinion the issue is more complex, the salary difference is still the core driver. In many cases, women earn less than men, and with childcare being so expensive, families end up making a practical decision. They go with the setup that costs them the least, which usually means the man stays the primary earner.
If the situation were reversed, the same logic would apply. This isn’t really about ideology. It’s about economics.
What Sheryl Sandberg is doing is pushing women to act against that financial pull. She’s telling them to stay in the workforce, push their careers, and not step back, even when the numbers might suggest otherwise.
That’s where your point comes in. It’s similar to how Facebook shapes behavior. Not by forcing anything, but by applying pressure. In this case, it’s social and professional pressure. The message is clear: if you step back, you’re making the wrong choice.
The problem is that this doesn’t fix the underlying economics. It just asks people to push through them. So the cost doesn’t disappear. It just shifts onto the individual, usually in the form of stress, childcare expenses, or tradeoffs at home.
It’s easy for Cheryl Sandburg worth $2B to say how easy it is to have a career and family.
For most of us that balance is a real challenge. I was working full time and had my first child in daycare and 1 week in he almost died in daycare—changed my life and my perspective. I worked part time with my mother-in-law babysitting (what a blessing for my children and for her).
I went back to work full time when my youngest child was in 1st grade. 3 years later my husband asked for a divorce because I wasn’t supporting him enough and he was in love with someone else. So maybe the traditional family works better for everyone - husband, wife and children.
It's so ironic that the "trad wife" influencer is actually a working woman, just not in the way Sandberg wishes she'd be. And she's using the very business model that grew Sandberg's shareholder value to such great heights!
Absolutely love this.
There is a huge judgement on women choosing to stay at home and prioritise their families, it’s great to see some women making this appear aspirational and meaningful to them.
I worked evenings and weekends because I wanted to look after my children myself. It made no sense to me to work to pay another woman to look after my children.
Funny how childcare is only an important job when someone is being paid to do it for someone else, but had no value or importance otherwise? Or the idea that it doesn’t matter how much time you spend actually looking after your own children?
These “Girlboss feminists!” as you call them (a good sobriquet to coin btw) think it safe to assume they are not God-centered as they’re constantly trying to fill a void in themselves to keep “the revolution” - of the flavor-of-the-moment - going. Or is it simply a desperate attempt to stay relevant in their twilight years? Seems they’re perpetually “redefining” to up end society.
Sad. Hope they like their cats.
What is truly interesting about this, is that these tradwife influencers work just as hard as she did, well maybe not the hours she chose to have someone else raise her children, but building a brand takes more than a quick pic with your iPhone and uploading it to instagram. She should know that.
I have something she should concentrate on, maybe she should go back to fighting for the right of Jewish women not to be gang raped to death like she did after October 7. That would be a worthwhile endeavor instead of maligning those of us who chose to raise our own children instead of giving them to a nanny or stranger while I fulfilled myself because the manosphere of corporate America decided being a housewife/mother was not important. (See what I did there. Throw it back in her face.)
Girl boss feminism is predicated on a bunch of lies that have nothing to do with the self-determination and flexibility that comes with having the potential to earn your own money. It’s billed as a glamorous experience in which you ascend the corporate ladder wearing fabulous clothes until, at the age of 29, after years of dating smart, attractive, successful men, you find the perfect partner to settle down with and have kids who earns more money than you, but also works flexible enough hours to contribute to housework and childcare without succumbing to exhaustion. Maybe you will have a nanny who watches the kids while you are at work or you will at least have access to excellent full day childcare so your career is not disrupted. You will continue to enjoy your job as it will be challenging and rewarding work.
Except in reality most women’s jobs aren’t like this. Especially not in today’s world of remote work. You won’t be wearing fabulous clothes or having long lunches with your girlfriends or colleagues in major American cities. You’ll go to a shabby office or you will work from home. You will earn a living and this will be good. Hopefully you will have health insurance. Maybe you’ll earn enough money that it makes sense for you to hire someone else to care for your children or you will be lucky enough to have a relative nearby that can help.
But your career will not be your source of fulfillment. It will pay the bills. If you have to leave your partner, or they are sick and require you to become the primary breadwinner, you can step up and do that. No one‘s going to give you a parade.
You won’t love what you do. You’ll tolerate it as it means to an end. You might enjoy aspects of your career, but very few people will find it to be integral to their identity in the way that it was depicted in all the TV shows as millennials were fed during the 2000s.
It should be lost on no one that Girlboss Feminism ushered in a new economic paradigm—a paradigm that shifted from a single-earner household to a double-earner household. Thus a new economy was born. At our own peril.
The seductive progressive promise that women in the workplace would enjoy greater “choice” and deeper personal satisfaction than what could be afforded in the home has delivered largely the opposite. For the vast majority of women today there is no choice. Alongside their husbands, women must be gainfully employed in some fashion in order for their family to make basic ends meet. With no choice comes little satisfaction. It’s just the new 21stC brand of drudgery.
Not only has the economic burden of a household dual income economy deprived women of choice, it has effectively removed parents, historically mothers, from their affective roles in their kids’ schools and lives, in their local communities, and in civic life writ large. All in the name of some ruse promising “empowerment” and self fulfillment.
In the end, our families have suffered (is it too cynical to think that was the real endgame?). Parents have suffered (see divorce rate); kids have suffered (see Pharma schedules/mental health stats); and yes, women have suffered as they have realized that the myth of having it all was just that: a myth.
In my opinion the issue is more complex, the salary difference is still the core driver. In many cases, women earn less than men, and with childcare being so expensive, families end up making a practical decision. They go with the setup that costs them the least, which usually means the man stays the primary earner.
If the situation were reversed, the same logic would apply. This isn’t really about ideology. It’s about economics.
What Sheryl Sandberg is doing is pushing women to act against that financial pull. She’s telling them to stay in the workforce, push their careers, and not step back, even when the numbers might suggest otherwise.
That’s where your point comes in. It’s similar to how Facebook shapes behavior. Not by forcing anything, but by applying pressure. In this case, it’s social and professional pressure. The message is clear: if you step back, you’re making the wrong choice.
The problem is that this doesn’t fix the underlying economics. It just asks people to push through them. So the cost doesn’t disappear. It just shifts onto the individual, usually in the form of stress, childcare expenses, or tradeoffs at home.
The myth of the salary gap was debunked like 8 years ago. It was just a manipulation of data that the NYTimes pushed so hard it became a given.
It’s easy for Cheryl Sandburg worth $2B to say how easy it is to have a career and family.
For most of us that balance is a real challenge. I was working full time and had my first child in daycare and 1 week in he almost died in daycare—changed my life and my perspective. I worked part time with my mother-in-law babysitting (what a blessing for my children and for her).
I went back to work full time when my youngest child was in 1st grade. 3 years later my husband asked for a divorce because I wasn’t supporting him enough and he was in love with someone else. So maybe the traditional family works better for everyone - husband, wife and children.
As always, you nailed this.
It's so ironic that the "trad wife" influencer is actually a working woman, just not in the way Sandberg wishes she'd be. And she's using the very business model that grew Sandberg's shareholder value to such great heights!
Too much leaning in at work could make us all fall over. Stand up straight. https://notadressrehearsal.substack.com/p/stand-up-straight